The Jack Tales Read online

“I tried my best to get him to eat,” says Jack. “He just lit his old pipe and went on back. I follered him, saw him go down in a big hole out yonder.”

  “You right sure ye ain’t lyin’, Jack?”

  “Why, no,” says Jack. “You boys come with me and you can see the place where he went in at. Let’s us get a rope and basket so we can go in that hole and see what’s down there.”

  So they got a big basket made out of splits, and gathered up a long rope they’d done made out of hickory bark, and Jack took ’em on down to Old Fire Dragaman’s den.

  “Will, you’re the oldest,” says Jack; “we’ll let you go down first. If you see any danger, you shake the rope and we’ll pull ye back up.”

  Will got in the basket, says, “You recollect now; whenever I shake that rope, you pull me out of here in a hurry.”

  So they let him down. Directly the rope shook, they jerked the basket back out, says, “What’d ye see, Will?”

  “Saw a big house. Hit’s like another world down there.”

  Then they slapped Tom in the basket and let him down; the rope shook, they hauled him up.

  “What’d you see, Tom?”

  “Saw a house and the barn.”

  Then they got Jack in the basket, and let him down. Jack got down on top of the house, let the basket slip down over the eaves and right on down in the yard. Jack got out, went and knocked on the door.

  The prettiest girl Jack ever had seen came out. He started right in to courtin’ her, says, “I’m goin’ to get you out of here.”

  She says, “I got another sister in the next room yonder, prettier’n me. You get her out too.”

  So Jack went on in the next room. That second girl was a heap prettier’n the first, and Jack went to talkin’ to her and was a-courtin’ right on. Said he’d get her out of that place.

  She says, “I got another sister in the next room, prettier’n me. Don’t you want to get her out too?”

  “Well, I didn’t know they got any prettier’n you,” says Jack, “but I’ll go see.”

  So he went on in. Time Jack saw that ’un he knowed she was the prettiest girl ever lived, so he started in right off talkin’ courtin’ talk to her; plumb forgot about them other two.

  That girl said to Jack, says, “Old Fire Dragaman’ll be back here any minute now. Time he finds you here he’ll start in spittin’ balls of fire.”

  So she went and opened up an old chest, took out a big swoard and a little vial of ointment, says, “If one of them balls of fire hits ye, Jack, you rub on a little of this medicine right quick, and this here swoard is the only thing that will hurt Old Fire Dragaman. You watch out now, and kill him if ye can.”

  Well, the old giant came in the door directly, saw Jack, and commenced spittin’ balls of fire all around in there, some of ’em big as pumpkins. Jack he went a-dodgin’ around tryin’ to get at the old giant with that swoard. Once in a while one of them fireballs ’uld glance him, but Jack rubbed on that ointment right quick and it didn’t even make a blister. Fin’ly Jack got in close and clipped him with that swoard, took his head clean off.

  Then Jack made that girl promise she’d marry him. So she took a red ribbon and got Jack to plat it in her hair. Then she gave Jack a wishin’ ring. He put it on his finger and they went on out and got the other two girls.

  They were awful pleased. They told Jack they were such little bits of children when the old giant catched ’em they barely could recollect when they first came down there.

  Well, Jack put the first one in the basket and shook the rope. Will and Tom hauled her up, and when they saw her they commenced fightin’ right off to see which one would marry her.

  She told ’em, says, “I got another sister down there.”

  “Is she any prettier’n you?” says Will.

  She says to him, “I ain’t sayin’.”

  Will and Tom chunked the basket back down in a hurry. Jack put the next girl in, shook the rope. Time Will and Tom saw her, they both asked her to marry, and went to knockin’ and beatin’ one another over gettin’ her.

  She stopped ’em, says, “We got one more sister down there.”

  “Is she prettier’n you?” says Will.

  She says to him, “You can see for yourself.”

  So they slammed the basket back down, jerked that last girl out.

  “Law me!” says Will. “This here’s the one I’m a-goin’ to marry.”

  “Oh, no, you ain’t!” Tom says. “You’ll marry me, won’t ye now?”

  “No,” says the girl, “I’ve done promised to marry Jack.”

  “Blame Jack,” says Will. “He can just stay in there.” And he picked up the basket and rope, throwed ’em down the hole.

  “There ain’t nothin’ much to eat down there,” says the girl; “he’ll starve to death.”

  “That’s just what we want him to do,” says Will, and they took them girls on back up to the house.

  Well, Jack eat ever’thing he could find down there, but in about three days he saw the rations were runnin’ awful low. He scrapped up ever’ bit there was left and then he was plumb out of vittles; didn’t know what he’d do.

  In about a week Jack had com-menced to get awful poor. Happened he looked at his hand, turned that ring to see how much he’d fallen off, says, “I wish I was back home settin’ in my mother’s chimley corner smokin’ my old chunky pipe.”

  And next thing, there he was.

  Jack’s mother asked him how come he wasn’t up at the newground. Jack told her that was just exactly where he was started.

  When Jack got up there, Will and Tom were still a-fightin’ over that youngest girl. Jack came on in the house and saw she still had that red ribbon in her hair, and she came over to him, says, “Oh, Jack!”

  So Jack got the youngest and Tom got the next ’un, and that throwed Will to take the oldest.

  And last time I was down there they’d done built ’em three pole cabins and they were all doin’ pretty well.

  Jack and the Doctor’s Girl

  Now, there was a rich old doctor lived in the same settle-ment where Jack and his folks lived at, had an awful pretty girl. Jack got to goin’ down there to see the girl and ’fore long she began to think a right smart of Jack. But the old doctor told Jack’s daddy that Jack was too poor to be a-courtin’ his girl. Said that ’fore anybody could marry her he’d have to be worth a thousand dollars.

  Jack he studied about it a day or two. He was right bad struck on that girl. So fin’ly he decided there wasn’t any chance of him makin’ that much money there at home, thought he’d go off somewhere else and hunt him up a job of work.

  His mother fixed him up a sack of rations and he pulled out. Told his daddy he was goin’ to earn that thousand dollars ’fore he came back.

  So Jack went on, asked ever’body he met about a job of work, didn’t find none. Traveled on, traveled on, got ’way out in a wilderness directly, didn’t see no houses or nobody nowhere. Hit began to get dark and he still didn’t see no houses, not even clearin’s. Went on and went on till it was a-gettin’ ’way up late in the night, and then it set in to rain.

  Well, fin’ly Jack looked out down a holler, saw a light away off. Struck out for where that light was at, came to a little log house settin’ up ’side the mountain. Jack went and knocked on the door.

  A little old bent-over lady came and opened it, says, “Law me, stranger! What in the world you a-doin’ up here?”

  “That’s just what I’d like to know,” says Jack. “I’m lost. I saw a light over here, so I came to try and find out where I was at.”

  “I can tell ye that all right. This here’s a highway robbers’ house, and they’ll be comin’ back any minute. If they find you here they’ll kill ye sure.”

  “Well, I don’t much care if they do,” says Jack. “I’d just as soon get killed as stand out here and get drownded in this rain. I’m give out. I’d like mighty well to get to lay down and rest some.”

  “Oh, law!
You can’t come in here, stranger! Them highway robbers don’t let nobody come here.”

  “Blame the robbers!” says Jack—“and you too! I’m a-comin’ in there out-a this rain.”

  Jack went on in the house. There was a little pile of straw in one corner, so Jack got on that straw and laid down. He queried right up and went hard and fast asleep.

  The highway robbers came in directly, had a lot of sacks where they’d been a-robbin’ that evenin’. Opened the sacks and ’gun to divide the money. Then all at once Jack got to snorin’ right big over there on his little straw pile.

  One of them robbers jumped up, says, “What in the world is that racket?”

  “Law, I forgot to tell ye!” says the old lady. “Hit ain’t nothin’ but a little old boy came here lost. I told him not to come in, but he came on in anyway, went back and laid down on that straw. He’s plumb give out.”

  “Well, I guess we’d better kill him.”

  So one of ’em got out his gun.

  The old lady says, “No, not kill him while he’s asleep. Wake him up first. I never did like to see nobody killed in their sleep.”

  One of ’em shook Jack right good, says, “Wake up, stranger! What’s your name?”

  Jack sort-a roused up, says, “My name’s Jack.”

  “Well, Jack, get up from there. We got to kill ye. That’s our rules here. We don’t want nobody messin’ in our business.”

  “That’s right,” says another’n. “Dead men tells no tales.”

  “Well,” says Jack, “you all can kill me if ye want. But I ain’t got a thing except what clothes I got on. I got no money.”

  They looked him over right smart, got to feelin’ kind of sorry for him, says, “Are ye a good hand to steal?”

  “Don’t know whe’er I’d be much good at stealin’ or not. I reckon I could try. A man ’uld do anything to save his life.”

  “Well, tell ye what, Jack; there’s a man back yonder got three fat oxen. He’ll be drivin’ one of’em to town about daylight tomorrow. You steal that ox and we’ll pay ye a pretty good price for it.”

  So, early that mornin’ Jack started to go down to the road, happened he saw a stout piece of rope hangin’ there on a peg, took it down and stuck it under his arm. Didn’t know just what he’d do with it. Got down to the road, waited around tryin’ to study out some way to steal that ox.

  Heard that old farmer comin’ directly drivin’ his ox. Jack looked up the road and there was a sort of stoopin’ tree there, had a limb went out right over the road. So Jack ran and cloomb up and got out on that limb, looped that rope under his arms and got it kind of covered up with his coat. Let himself hang down over the road. He got part of the rope around his neck, hung his head ’way over on one side.

  The old farmer came a-whistlin’ along directly, stopped, looked up at Jack, says, “I declare! Them highway robbers have done hung somebody! I bet there don’t nobody know nothin’ about it yet. Hit’s a pity to let a man hang that-a-way. Might be somebody out of our settle-ment. I believe I’ll just tie my ox here and run back yonder and tell ’em about it, so we can cut him down.”

  So he tied his ox and ran back to the settle-ment.

  Here he came directly with a big gang of men, says, “This here’s the place.”

  Looked up at that tree, says, “No, it ain’t. Must be around the next turn.”

  And he led them men back and forth all mornin’ a-lookin’ for Jack and that ox.

  Time Jack got back to the robbers they said to him, says, “Why, Jack, that’s pretty good. Bein’ as you done such a good job we’ll pay ye three hundred dollars.”

  So they paid him, says, “About the same time tomorrow now, he’ll be back with another’n goin’ to market to sell it. We’ll pay ye to steal that ’un too.”

  Next mornin’ Jack started out, didn’t know what he’d do to steal that ox. Happened he saw a brand-new woman’s shoe there on the floor where the robbers had dropped it. Picked that up and took it with him.

  Jack waited down at the road. The farmer came along directly whistlin’ and drivin’ his ox. Jack ran out right quick and set that shoe down in the middle of the road, ran back and hid in the bresh.

  The old farmer came up, saw the shoe, stooped over and picked it up, says, “Why, here’s a brand-new woman’s shoe. Believe it ’uld just about fit my wife. If I had the mate to it now, they’d last my old lady all winter. One shoe, though, that wouldn’t do nobody no good.”

  Throwed the shoe back in the road and went on. Jack waited till he was around the turn in the road, ran out and got the shoe, took a near way through the woods and set that shoe in the road before the old farmer again.

  He came along, looked down and saw the shoe, says, “Look-a-there! There’s the mate to that shoe, and I’ve done gone and left the other’n back yonder in the road. Now, ain’t I the fool!”

  Picked it up, looked at it good, says, “Pair of shoes like that ought to be worth about three dollars. Why, I might sell ’em in town. Believe I’ll hitch my ox right here and run back and get that other shoe. Hit won’t take me but a minute. Saw, buck!”

  Tied his ox and back he went to look for that other shoe. He ran about a mile ’fore he gave up tryin’ to find it. Then he ran up and down that road all day tryin’ to locate his ox.

  Jack got back to the robbers’ house, says, “Here’s your ox.”

  “Why, Jack, you’re the best hand to steal we ever saw. We’ll pay ye three hundred dollars more.”

  Jack said he was glad to have it. Then they said to him, says, “He’s got one more ox, Jack, you steal it and we’ll pay ye and turn ye loose.”

  “Well,” says Jack, “I’ll try.”

  Next mornin’ Jack started out right early, didn’t see nothin’ at all to take down there with him. Got to the road and just sat there till he heard the old farmer a-comin’. Then he took out through the woods and up one side the mountain, started in breakin’ and crackin’ the bresh, and a-goin’

  “Moo-oo! Moo-oo-oo!”

  “I declare!” says the old farmer. “There’s one of my oxen.” Then Jack ran up another holler, broke bresh, went,

  “Moo-oo! M-m-moo-oo!”

  “And yonder’s the other’n!” says the old farmer. “They must ’a broke loose, that’s what it was. And I ’lowed somebody stole ’em.”

  Jack ran up in the head of a holler, broke bresh, and bawled like two oxen.

  “There, now! There’s both of ’em. I’ll just have to tie this ’un here and go get ’em. I’ll take all three to town and sell ’em all. Saw, buck! I’m goin’ to tie you good.”

  So he tied his ox right fast to a saplin’ and struck out through the woods.

  “Soo-ook, buck! Sook! Sook! Sook!”

  Jack he’d run up one side the holler, break bresh and just bawl. The old farmer ’uld run right after him.

  “Soo-ook! Buck!”

  Jack ’uld run down the other side, break bresh, and go,

  “M-m-m-moo-oo!”

  Well, Jack kept on runnin’ and bawlin’ till he got the old man all tangled up in a laurel thicket. Then Jack turned and gave him a dodge, went and got that last ox.

  Got back up to the robbers’ place, they said to him, says, “Jack, that’s the beatin’est job of stealin’ ever has been done in this country. We’ll pay ye four hundred dollars this time and let you go.”

  II

  So Jack put that thousand dollars in his overhall pocket and hit the road back home. Got in late that night. Next mornin’ he told his daddy all about what he’d done, asked him would he go on up to the doctor’s house and see about him gettin’ that girl.

  Jack’s daddy went on up, says to the old doctor, says, “Well, Jack got in home last night.”

  “You say he did? Wasn’t gone long. Must not ’a done much good.”

  “Brought back a thousand dollars.”

  “He did? Well, I declare!” says the old doctor.

  “Yes,” says Jack’s daddy. “He
wants to know when can he come up here and see that girl.”

  “Well, what I’d like to know,” says the old doctor, “is how Jack got all that money.”

  Jack’s daddy told him, and the doctor said that if Jack was such a good hand to steal, he’d have to try him out a little. Said for Jack to come down to his barn that night and see could he steal twelve horses out from under twelve men. Said that they’d be ridin’ around in the barn lot.

  Jack’s daddy went on back and told him, says, “Jack, there ain’t a bit of use in you goin’ down to that old doctor’s house no more. He says you got to come over to his barn lot tonight and steal twelve horses out from under twelve men, ’fore you can talk to his girl again.”

  Jack says, “Well, I’ll have to try it.”

  So that night Jack went down to the doctor’s barn, had a keg with him, started to open the gate.

  One of them men a-ridin’ around in there says, “Hello, Jack. Not come in here now. You just stay on the outside.”

  They saw the keg and thought Jack had him a plan to get ’em all drunk.

  Jack went and cloomb up on the fence and sat there, watched ’em awhile. Hit was awful cold that night, and after a while Jack reached down and got the keg up, made like he was takin’ a big dram out of it. Them men didn’t say nothin’. Then directly Jack reached for the keg and tilted it up like he was takin’ another swaller.

  Fin’ly one of the men pulled his horse over to Jack, says, “Let me have just a little sup of that, Jack.”

  Jack handed him up the keg and that man took a little dreen on it.

  Then another’n came over there.

  “Hit’s gettin’ awful cold ridin’ around in here, Jack. Let me have a small dram of that, will ye?”

  Well, pretty soon they ever’ one of’em came over there and took a little taste of Jack’s likker. They were careful to take just a little bit. They knowed it wasn’t enough to make ’em drunk. But in about five minutes ever’ one of them men drapped right over on their horses’ necks, sound asleep. Jack had gone down to the drugstore and got a little chloryform to put in that likker.