The Jack Tales Read online

  “Oh, I’ll stand her off,” says Jack. “I reckon I can handle her.” And Jack looked to make sure his strop and his horns were there where he’d laid ’em down. That feller went off after a while, and pretty soon Jack saw the old woman comin’ trompin’ up the hill.

  She stepped up to him, says, “What’ll ye take, hard gripes or sharp shins?”

  “Hard gripes,” says Jack.

  She grabbed Jack and went to chokin’ him. Jack hollered,

  “Tie, strop, tie!

  Beat, horns, beat!”

  And the strop unquiled and went after that old woman like a snake, wropped all around her and tied her good. Then the horns commenced gougin’ her and butted her over, and she hollered, “Let me up, Jack, and I’ll give ye a fine suit of clothes.”

  Jack told the horns and strop to quit and let the old woman up. She went hobblin’ back down the mountain just a-cussin’. And when Jack went up in the loft that evenin’ there was a fine suit of clothes hangin’ in the rafters over his pile of straw. Jack laid down and slept good.

  Next day here she came a-hoppin’ up toward the pasture again.

  “Which’ll ye have, hard gripes or sharp shins?”

  “Hard gripes, bedad!” says Jack.

  The old woman came at him. Jack dodged her and hollered out,

  “Tie, strop, tie!

  Beat, horns, beat!”

  And the strop tied her and the horns beat her till she says, “Let me up, Jack, and I’ll give ye a poke full of gold and silver.”

  Jack let her up, and that evenin’ there set a sack in the middle of the straw pile. Jack looked in it and it was full of twenty-dollar gold pieces and big silver dollars.

  But next day the old woman came right back.

  “Hard gripes or sharp shins?”

  “Hard gripes,” says Jack—

  “Tie, strop, tie!

  Beat, horns, beat!”

  And the strop switched around that old witch-woman and the horns knocked her down and beat her around first one way and then another all over that pasture. She kept on a-hollerin’, but Jack let her have it that time.

  “What I want,” Jack told her, “is a fine horse and a good new saddle and a shiny bridle.”

  The old woman said Yes, she’d give him anything he wanted; so Jack fin’ly let her up. She went back down that hill just as hard as she could tear. And next mornin’ Jack looked out and there was a pretty little mare standin’ at the gate. So he put on his fine suit of clothes and tied that poke of money on behind the saddle and rode on off.

  He rode on and rode on and eat at the cafes and stayed at hotels and directly his money was about to give out. And so one day he stopped by a farmhouse to see could he get some work.

  The man hired Jack right off, says, “Yes, I’ll hire ye. I need a boy to shake off apples for my hogs, and I want ’em watched, too. There’s somethin’ goin’ with my hogs. I been a-losin’ one ever’ night here for about a week. If I don’t find out what’s gettin’ ’em, I’ll soon not have no hogs left.”

  So Jack shook off apples all day and kept a-watchin’. Eat his supper and went right on back; cloomb up in a tree and started in whistlin’ and shakin’ off apples. The hogs was all down there under Jack and next thing he knowed here came an old giant woman, went to feelin’ under the hogs’ bellies to see which’uns was fat; found two that was fat enough for her, picked ’em up and started on off with the pigs a-squealin’ and a-kickin’.

  Jack stopped whistlin’ and hollered at her, “Hold on there, old lady! Where you goin’ with our pigs? You wait there till I come down.”

  The old giant woman throwed down her hogs and grabbed up two big rocks, commenced grindin’ ’em together.

  “Oh yes, you little whiplin’ devil!” she says. “If you come down from there, I’ll grind ye to pieces in a minute.” And she ground on them rocks till the sand just flew.

  “Tie, strop, tie!

  Beat, horns, beat!”

  hollered Jack. That strop had the old giant lady tied hand and foot in half a minute, and the horns went to work on her and hooked her and beat her, and the pigs trompled her and bit her legs, and Jack got him a hickory and whipped her, and she hollered so loud that the farmer came runnin’ up there to see what it was. He got the axe and chopped her head off. Then he thanked Jack and filled up his poke with money, and the next mornin’ Jack rode on off again.

  Jack decided to go home after that and save his money instead of spendin’ it like he done before; and that’s where he is right now, as far as I know.

  Jack and the Bean Tree

  Now this tale is about when Jack was a real teensy boy. He was a sort of puny young ’un then, and he was cryin’ one day when his mother was a-sweepin’ the house. She didn’t pay him much mind, just went on sweepin’ the floor. Happened she swept up a right big-sized bean, so she picked it up and gave it to Jack to hush him, get him out the way.

  “Here, run plant this bean,” she says. “It’ll make ye a bean tree.”

  So Jack ran out and planted it, and didn’t cry any more that day.

  Next mornin’ he went out real early to see how it was gettin’ on, came runnin’ back in, told his mother, “That bean tree’s plumb through the ground and it’s done growed up knee high!”

  “Why, Jack!” says his mother. “Why, you little lyin’ puppy!” And she slaps him.

  Well, Jack he cried, but when his mother got the house cleaned up she looked out and saw it was like Jack said, and she felt sorry, so she gave him some bread and butter and brown sugar, and he hushed.

  So the next mornin’ Jack came and told his mother, “That bean tree’s done got as high as a sure ’nough tree!”

  “Now, Jack, you know you oughtn’t to lie like that.”

  And she slapped him pretty keen. But when she happened to look out and see it, she came and gave Jack some ripe peaches and cream, and petted him a little till he hushed.

  Well, the next mornin’ Jack came a-runnin’.

  “Oh, mother! My bean tree’s done growed plumb out-a-sight! You can’t see the top!”

  “Now, Jack, you look-a-here! I just know that’s not so. You surely must ’a lied this time.”

  And she slapped his jaws, real hard. But she looked out directly and saw it, so she went and got Jack, and gave him a big slice of cake and some sweet milk.

  Well, nobody said anything about the bean tree for several days, till one day Jack said to his mother, “I’m a-goin’ to climb up that bean tree of mine and see how high it goes.”

  His mother told him he oughtn’t to do that, but seemed like he had his head so set on it she couldn’t do nothin’ with him. Jack said he’d pull her off a mess of beans on the way up and throw ’em down to her. So she fixed him up a little snack of dinner and he pulled out right on up the bean tree.

  He kept on goin’—up and up and up. He cloomb all day, till it was way late in the evenin’ ’fore he got to the top. Then, just about dark Jack came to a big pike-road up there. Went along it a little piece, came to a great big house, walked up and knocked on the door.

  A very large woman came and opened it, looked down at Jack, says, “Law, stranger! What you a-doin’ up here?”

  “Why,” says Jack, “because I wanted to come. This here’s my bean tree. I just cloomb it to see what was up here.”

  “Well, you better get on back down again quick. My old man’s a giant. He’ll kill ye. He eats all the Englishmen he finds.”

  “Hit’s a-gettin’ late,” says Jack, “and I can’t get back very handy now. I don’t know what I’ll do.”

  “You come on in, then, and I’ll hide ye tonight, but you better leave early in the mornin’.”

  So Jack went on in the house and the giant woman took him and put him in the bake-oven, set the lid over him. The old giant came in directly, looked around, says,

  “Fee, faw, fumm!

  I smell the blood of a English-mum.

  Bein’ he alive or bein’ he dead,


  I must have some!”

  The old lady says, “No. You don’t smell no English-mum. Must be that fresh mutton you brought in here yesterday.”

  The old giant looked around a little more, and fin’ly they eat supper and went on to bed.

  When Jack heard the giant snorin’, he came out the bake-oven and went lookin’ around the house. Saw a rifle-gun a-hangin’ over the fireboard, so he took that and went on back down the bean tree.

  Jack played around with the rifle-gun a few days till he began to get sort-a tired of it, then he decided he’d go back up and see what else he could find. So he cloomb up the bean tree again.

  The old lady was a-standin’ out on the steps, says, “Why, you little scamp! Here you are back again. My old man’ll kill you sure’s the world. He saw his rifle-gun was gone. You better not try to come in here tonight.”

  “Well,” says Jack, “you hide me this time and hit may be I’ll not come back no more.”

  So she took him and hid him under the bread bowl. The old giant came in, says,

  “FEE, FAW, FUMM!

  I smell the blood of a English-mum.

  Bein’ he alive or bein’ he dead,

  For supper tonight I’ll have me some.”

  “No. You must be mistaken,” says his old lady. “Must be that mutton you killed the other day. That’s what you smell.”

  The old giant started lookin’ around, and she says to him, says, “You can look if ye want to. You’ll not find none.”

  Fin’ly they eat supper and went on to bed.

  When they were both of ’em fast asleep, Jack came out and looked around, saw a nice skinnin’ knife. Decided he’d like that, so he took it and slipped back down the bean tree.

  Jack’s mother said that looked to her like stealin’, but Jack said he figgered the bean tree was his’n and that ever’thing on it belonged to him.

  Well, he played around with that knife a right smart while. Then he told his mother that he was goin’ back up, but he said this ’uld be his last trip. Said there was just one thing more he wanted up there.

  Now Jack took the hand-axe and cut the bean tree half through, left the axe a-layin’ by the tree. Then he cloomb up to the giant’s house again.

  That old woman opened the door, says, “Why, buddy, what in the world you doin’ up here again? My old man missed that knife, and he’ll sure kill ye if he finds ye here.”

  “You better not speak too sharp,” says Jack. “This here bean tree belongs to me, not to you.” Says, “I reckon you’ll just have to hide me again somewhere.”

  “Well,” she says, “hit don’t differ. Next time you come back I’m just goin’ to tell him and let him kill ye. I’ll not hide ye now, neither; unless you promise not to never come back here.”

  “I’ll not promise,” says Jack, “but if you hide me, hit’ll be an accommodation.”

  Well, she took Jack and set him in a corner, turned the old giant’s hat over him.

  The old giant came in—

  “FEE! FAW! FUMM!

  I smell the blood of a English-mum.

  Bein’ he dead or bein’ he alive,

  I’ll grind his bones,

  To eat with my pones.”

  “Just look, then,” says the old lady, “and if you find him you can sure kill him.”

  So the old giant looked around and smelled around ever’ place in the house tryin’ to find Jack. Looked in the bake-oven and looked under all the bowls, says, “Sure seems like I can smell one, strong.”

  But he never did look under his hat, and pretty soon they went on to bed.

  Then when Jack heard the giant a-snorin’ right big, he came on out from under the hat.

  Now, there was a coverlid on the old giant’s bed, had little bells sewed all over it about a inch apart, and that was what Jack wanted so bad. But he knowed hit would rattle and wake the old giant up. So Jack went and fixed all the chairs up close to the bed, took the old giant’s boots and hid ’em. Then Jack crope up and raised one corner of the rug. The bells went “dingle!” and woke the giant up, sat up right quick, hollered, “Scat there!”

  Jack kept right still till the giant laid back down and set in to snorin’ again. Then he went and eased the door open, went back and got him a good hold on the coverlid, jerked it off and made for the door as hard as he could tear. The bells rattled, “dingle! dingle! dingle!” The old giant jumped up, and started bustin’ against all them chairs, a-hollerin’, “Where’s my boots? Where’s my boots?”

  Jack was just a-sailin’ toward the bean tree.

  The old giant kept knockin’ them chairs around, says, “Where’s my boots, old woman? Where’s my boots?”

  The old lady says to him, says, “They’re right where you left ’em, I reckon.”

  Well, he had to get a light ’fore he found ’em. Fin’ly he got ’em on and lit out after Jack.

  Jack was a-scootin’ down that bean tree so fast you’d ’a thought he was fallin’. Got on the ground, he laid that coverlid to one side, grabbed up his hand-axe, chopped two or three licks and that bean tree fell down, down, down, clean across the fields and hills and hollers. Took it about an hour to fall all the way.

  After the bean tree hit the ground, Jack went along it to see how far the old giant had got. Found him about a half mile off and he didn’t have but one boot on.

  Then Jack went on across the country to where the giant’s house fell. The dishes were broke up pretty bad, but he and his mother got a lot of good house-plunder, all that wasn’t smashed up when the house landed.

  And the last time I was down there Jack was gettin’ to be a right big boy, and he was doin’ well.

  Jack and the Robbers

  This here’s another tale about Jack when he was still a small-like boy. He was about twelve, I reckon, and his daddy started tryin’ to make him help with the work around the place. But Jack he didn’t like workin’ much. He would piddle around a little and then he’d go on back to the house, till one day his daddy whipped him. He just tanned Jack good. Jack didn’t cry none, but he didn’t like it a bit. So early the next mornin’ he slipped off without tellin’ his mother and struck out down the public road. Thought he’d go and try his fortune somewhere off from home. He got down the road a few miles and there was an old ox standin’ in a field by a rail fence, a-bellowin’ like it was troubled over somethin’—

  “Um-m-muh!

  Um-m-m—muh-h-h!

  “Hello!” says Jack. “What’s the matter?”

  “I’ll just tell you,” says the old ox. “I’m gettin’ too old to plow and I heard the men talkin’ about how they’d have to kill me tomorrow and get shet of me.”

  “Come on down here to the gap,” says Jack, “and you can slip off with me.”

  So the old ox followed the fence to where the gap was at and Jack let the bars down and the old ox got out in front of Jack, and they went on down the public road.

  Jack and the ox traveled on, and pretty soon they came where there was an old donkey standin’ with his head hangin’ down over the gate, a-goin’—

  “Wahn-n-n-eh!

  Wahn-n-n-eh!

  Wahn-n-n-eh!”

  “Hello,” says Jack. “What’s troublin’ you?”

  “Law me!” says the old donkey. “The boys took me out to haul in wood this mornin’ and I’m gettin’ so old and weak I couldn’t do no good. I heard ’em say they were goin’ to kill me tomorrow, get shet of me.”

  “Come on and go with us,” says Jack.

  So he let the old donkey out and they pulled on down the public road. The old donkey told Jack to get up on his back and ride.

  They went on a piece, came to an old hound dog settin’ in a man’s yard. Hit would bark awhile and then howl awhile—

  “A-woo! woo! woo!

  A-oo-oo-oo!”

  —sounded awful lonesome.

  “Hello,” says Jack. “What you a-howlin’ so for?”

  “Oh, law me!” says the old dog. “The boys took
me coon-huntin’ last night, cut a tree where the coon had got up in it. I got hold on the coon all right, but my teeth are all gone and hit got loose from me. They said they were goin’ to kill me today, get shet of me.”

  “Come on, go with us,” says Jack.

  So the old dog scrouged under the gate.

  The old donkey says to him, “Get up on my back and ride, if you want to.”

  Jack holp the old dog up behind him, and they went on down the public road.

  Came to a old tomcat climbin’ along the fence. Hit was a-squallin’ and meowin’, stop ever’ now and then, sit down on the top rail—

  “Meow-ow!

  Meow-ow-ow!”

  —sounded right pitiful.

  “Hello!” says Jack. “What’s the matter you squallin’ so?”

  “Oh, law!” says the old cat. “I caught a rat out in the barn this mornin’, but my teeth are gettin’ so old and bad I let him go. I heard ’em talkin’ about killin’ me to get shet of me, ’cause I ain’t no good to catch rats no more.”

  “Come on and go with us,” says Jack.