The Jack Tales Page 6

  “No. I’ll sure not stop there this time.”

  Well, Jack got ’way on past that house this time and got on down the road a piece and run up on all them boys comin’ from the store.

  “What’d ye get this time, Jack?”

  Jack was so proud of this club he finally told ’em, and they begged him, said, “Oh, Jack! We got no wood in. If you’d just knock some in for us, we’ll be awful much obliged.”

  So Jack went back with ’em and took out his club and told it to play away, and it went out on the hill, knocked down a big dead chestnut, knocked it right in the yard, and busted it every bit into firewood. All the boys just hollered when they saw that, said, “Just wait till father comes home now, Jack, and let him see what that club can do.”

  Well, they kept on after Jack to stay, till directly he said he’d wait a little while till their daddy came in. But Jack got very sleepy before that man came in and went off to sleep sittin’ in his chair. And when the boys’ father came home. Jack was a-sleepin’ right on. They told him what kind of an outfit Jack had, and he says to ’em, says, “Hit’s too dark now to knock up any more wood. Couldn’t you boys try it out just a little on one of the big logs by the fireplace there?”

  So the boys slipped the club out of Jack’s hand real easy-like, and told it—

  “Playaway, club! Playaway!

  Break one log there on the pile. ”

  The club started in on that log, banged away so loud it woke Jack up. Jack saw what was goin’ on and jumped up and run out the door and hollered back,

  “Playaway, club! Playaway!

  Knock down the whole house! Kill ever’body in it if they don’t

  hand here my tablecloth and rooster, quick!”

  And ’fore they knew it that club had knocked out every log on one side of the house and had started in on the roof. The boys came a-runnin’ with Jack’s tablecloth and rooster, says, “Jack! Jack! Stop that club quick and not let it kill us!”

  Jack got his club and picked up his tablecloth and rooster and pulled out for home right then, even if it was after night.

  About daylight Jack landed in home, and when he got in the house, his mother says to him, says, “Jack, that Wind’s a-blowin’ right on.”

  Jack says, “Never you mind about that. We got all we’ll ever need now. This here’s the right tablecloth and it’ll furnish us all we want to eat. And this here rooster’ll give us all the gold we’d ever want to spend, so now we can buy some boards and nails and a new hammer handle and fix up the house against the North West Wind. And this here club’ll keep in wood for us, all we want.”

  Jack’s mother says to him, says, “I must see all that, Jack, before I know it’s so.”

  So Jack took out his tablecloth and said,

  “Spread, tablecloth! Spread!”

  And he and his mother sat down and eat till they nearly busted. Then he got his rooster, says,

  “Come, gold! Come!”

  And there was his hat plumb full of gold eggs.

  Then he held out his club, says,

  “Playaway, club! Playaway!”

  And the club went out on the hill back of the house just a-bangin’ and a-knockin’ till it had a big pile of firewood all broke up in no time.

  Jack’s mother watched it and nearly died laughin’ at it. She says to him, says, “Well, Jack, you made out pretty well. We’ll sure not be bothered about the North West Wind any more.”

  So Jack never did have to try to start out again to stop the cold Wind from blowin’ in their house.

  And he and his mother were both doin’ pretty well, last time I saw ’em. They had that old rickety house fixed up tight against the Wind, too.

  Jack and the Varmints

  Jack was a-goin’ about over the country one time, happened he passed by a place where a man had been rivin’ boards, saw a little thin piece and picked it up, started in to whittlin’ on it. Jack was so lazy he never noticed much what he was doin’ till he’d done made him a little paddle. He didn’t know what he’d do with it, just carried it along. Directly he came to a muddy place in the road where a lot of little blue butterflies had lit down to drink. So Jack slipped up right close to ’em and came down with that paddle right in the middle of’em—splap! Then he counted to see how many he’d killed.

  Went on down the road, came to a blacksmith shop. He got the blacksmith to take some brads and make him a sign in big letters on his belt; buckled that around him and went on.

  Pretty soon here came the King on his horse, says, “Hello, Jack.”

  “Howdy do, King.”

  “What’s all that writin’ you got around ye, Jack? Turn around so’s I can read it.”

  The old King read it off:

  “STRONG-MAN-JACK—

  KILLED-SEVEN-AT-A-WHACK.”

  “You mean you’ve done killed seven at one lick, Jack? You must be gettin’ to be an awful stout feller. I reckon you could do pretty nigh anything, couldn’t ye?”

  “Well,” says Jack, “I don’t know. I’ve pulled a few tricks.”

  King says, “Well, now, Jack, if you’re up to that adver-tize-ment you got on your belt there, you’re the very man I’m a-lookin’ for. There’s a big wild hog been tearin’ around in my settle-ment, killin’ lots of sheep. If you help us get shet of that hog, I’ll pay ye a thousand dollars. All my men are scared of it.”

  “Well,” says Jack, “I’ll try.”

  So the King took Jack over on the mountain where that wild hog was a-usin’. Time he got up in the holler a ways, he turned his horse around, says, “You go on up in the mountain and find it, Jack. I got im-portant business back home.”

  And the King gave his horse a lick and made it go back in a hurry.

  Jack he knowed that if the King was so scared of that hog, it must be awful dangerous. Decided he’d just not get mixed up with such a varmint. Said he’d wait a little while and then he’d slip out and get away ’fore that old hog smelled him. Well, directly Jack got to plunderin’ around in there tryin’ to get out, heard that hog a-breakin’ bresh up the mountain, and then he saw it comin’. So Jack lit out through the woods—him and the hog . . .

  Whippety cut!

  Whippety cut!

  Whippety cut!

  and the wild hog right in behind him.

  Jack looked behind and saw it was gettin’ closer; they say Jack com-menced jumpin’ fifteen feet ever’ step, but the old hog kept right on a-gainin’. Jack came out in a field, looked down it a ways and saw a old waste-house standin’ there with no roof on it. Jack made for that house, ran in the door, and scrambled up the wall. That old hog was so close it grabbed hold on Jack’s coat-tail, but Jack was a-goin’ so fast it jerked his coat-tail plumb off. Jack got up on top of the wall, looked down at the hog standin’ there with his forefeet up on the logs a-lookin’ up after him. Then Jack jumped down and ran around outside, pushed the door to and propped it right quick with some timbers. Saw the hog couldn’t get out, so then he pulled back to the King’s house.

  “Hello, Jack. Did ye do any good?”

  “Why, no, King. I couldn’t find no wild hog up there. Hunted all over that mountain, didn’t see nothin’.”

  “Why Jack, that old hog just makes for ever’body goes up there. You must ’a seen it.”

  “Well, there wasn’t nothin’ but a little old boar shoat, came bristlin’ up to me, kept follerin’ me around. I ran it off a time or two, but it kept on taggin’ after me. The blame thing got playful after a while, jumped up and jerked a piece out of my coat-tail. That made me a little mad, so I took it by the tail and ear and throwed it in a old waste-house up there, barred it in. I don’t reckon that was what you wanted. You can go up and see if ye want to.”

  When the King rode up there and saw it was that wild hog, he like to beat his horse to death gettin’ back. Blowed his horn and fifty or sixty men came runnin’ up. They took a lot of Winchester rifles and went on up to that old house; but they were so scared they woul
dn’t go close enough to get a shoot at it. So fin’ly Jack he went on down there, poked around with a rifle and shot two or three times. That old hog went to tearin’ around and when it fell it had tore that house plumb down.

  So the King’s men skinned it out. Hit made two wagonloads of meat.

  The King paid Jack the thousand dollars, and Jack started to pull out for home.

  The King called him, says, “I got another job for ye, Jack. They say there’s a unicorn usin’ back here on another mountain, doin’ a sight of damage to people’s livestock. Hit’s a lot more dangerous than that hog, but a brave feller like you oughtn’t to have no trouble killin’ it. I’ll pay ye another thousand dollars, too.”

  Well, Jack tried to back out of it, but he saw he couldn’t, so the King took him up there where they said the unicorn was, turned his horse around and just burnt the wind.

  Jack watched the King out of sight, says, “Thousand dollars’ll do me a right long while. I don’t want to get mixed up with no unicorn. I’ll get out of here and go back another way. I’m not a-goin’ to fool around here and get killed.”

  But Jack hadn’t gone very far ’fore he heard that varmint breakin’ bresh and a-comin’ straight down the mountain. So Jack started runnin’ around in amongst the trees as hard as he could tear. Looked around directly and saw that old unicorn so close to him it was just about to make a lunge and stick that horn right through the middle of his back. Jack reached out and grabbed hold on a white oak tree, swung around behind it. The unicorn swerved at him, hit that oak tree and stove its horn plumb through it. Horn came out the other side, and like to stuck Jack. Time he saw that, he snatched some nails out’n his overhall pocket, grabbed him up a rock right quick and wedged the horn in tight. Then he got him a switch and swarped the unicorn a few times to see could it break loose; saw it couldn’t, so he pulled on back down to the King’s house.

  “What luck did ye have this time, Jack?”

  “Why, King, I didn’t see no unicorn.”

  “Now, that’s a curious thing to me, Jack. Nobody else ever went in there but what that old unicorn came right for ’em. What did ye see, Jack?”

  “Nothin’ much, just some kind of a little old yearlin’ bull, didn’t have but one horn. Came down there actin’ big, a-bawlin’ and pawin’ the ground. Got to follerin’ me around pretty close and sort of gougin’ at me with that horn, till fin’ly hit kind of aggravated me. So I took it by the tail and neck, stove its horn through a tree. I reckon it’s still fastened up there where I left it at. We can all go on up and see it if ye want to.”

  So Jack took the King and his men with all them rifles up where the unicorn was. They wouldn’t none of ’em get close enough to get a good aim, so Jack went on up to it, cut him a little branch and switched it two or three times, says, “See, men? There’s not a bit of harm in him.”

  The men fin’ly shot it, and when it fell, they say it tore that oak tree plumb up by the roots.

  Then they skinned it and brought back the hide.

  The King paid Jack another thousand dollars, says, “Now, Jack, they’ve just brought in word here that a lion has come over the mountains from somewhere in Tennessee, been makin’ raids on a settle-ment over the other end of this county, killin’ ever’thing it comes across: cattle, and horses, and they say it’s done killed several men tried to go after it. I told ’em about you, Jack, and they made me promise to send ye.”

  “Well, King, that sounds like the dangerest thing of all.”

  “I’ll pay ye another thousand dollars, Jack.”

  “I don’t know as I favor workin’ any more right now, King. They’ll be worried about me if I don’t get back in home ’fore dark. Besides, my daddy’s cuttin’ tobacco and he needs me bad.”

  “Come on now, Jack. I’ll pay ye two thousand dollars.”

  “Well, I don’t know. I’ll have to study on it awhile.”

  “Here’s a thousand dollars down, right now, Jack, and I’ll pay ye the other thousand when ye get it killed. I’d sure like to get shet of that lion.”

  “I reckon I’ll do it then,” says Jack—“try to.”

  So the King took Jack up behind him on his horse and they rode over to where they said the lion was last seen.

  The King says, “Now, Jack, that lion’s right up in yonder somewhere. I’ll not venture any further.”

  Jack slipped off the horse.

  The King turned him around, says, “When hit smells ye, Jack, you’ll sure hear from it!” And then the King left there a-gallopin’.

  Well, Jack felt of that three thousand dollars he had down in his overhall pocket, said he’d try to get out of there for good and go on back home. But ’fore he’d hardly took a step or two, that old lion smelled him and com-menced roarin’ up there in the woods, roared so hard it jarred the mountain. Then Jack saw it comin’—tearin’ down trees, breakin’ logs in two, bustin’ rocks wide open—and Jack didn’t waste no time tryin’ to run. He made for the tree nearest to him and skinned up it like a squirrel. He didn’t stop neither, till he was clean to the top.

  The old lion growled around down there, smelled up the tree a time or two, and then it went right in to gnawin’ on the tree-trunk. Jack looked, and it was a sight in the world how the bark and the splinters flew. It nearly shook Jack out the tree.

  But it seemed like the lion got tired when he had the tree about half gnawed through; he quit, laid up against the foot of the tree and went sound asleep.

  Jack waited awhile till his heart quit beatin’ so fast, and then he ’lowed he might have a chance to slip down and get away from there ’fore the old lion woke up. So he started slidin’ down the tree. He was keepin’ such close watch on that lion’s eyes to see would he wake up or not, Jack never noticed when he set his foot on a brickly snag. Put all his weight on that rotten limb, and hit broke, and Jack went scootin’ down, landed right straddle the old lion’s back.

  Well, that lion started in roarin’ and jumpin’ around, but Jack he just held on. Then the old lion got to runnin’ and he was so scared he didn’t know he was headed right for town. Got on the public highway and kept right on till next thing Jack knowed they were sailin’ all around the courthouse. All the people were runnin’ in the stores and climbin’ trees gettin’ out the way, and everybody shoutin’ and hollerin’, and the King’s men came and started in tryin’ to shoot the lion without hittin’ Jack, till fin’ly one of ’em drawed a bead on the old lion’s head and tumbled him up.

  Jack picked himself up out the dirt, com-menced breshin’ it off. Ever’body came over directly to see that lion, when they saw it was sure ’nough dead.

  The King came along right soon and Jack says to him, says, “Look-a-here, King. I’m mad.”

  “Why, how come, Jack?”

  “These men have done killed your lion.”

  “My lion? What ye mean, Jack?”

  “Why, I’d ’a not had it killed for three thousand dollars, King. After I’d caught it and ’gun to get it gentled up, now, bedads, your men have done shot it. I was just a-ridin’ it down here to get it broke in for you a ridey-horse.”

  So the old King went over to where his men were and raised a rumpus with ’em, says, “Why, I’d ’a felt big ridin’ that lion around. Now you men will just have to raise Jack three thousand dollars for killin’ our lion.”

  So Jack went on home after that; had a whole pile of money down in his old ragged overhall pocket.

  And the last time I went down there Jack was still rich, and I don’t think he’s worked any yet.

  Big Jack and Little Jack

  One time there was another feller named Jack. He was a sort of big stout-like boy and they called him Big Jack. He had to get out and take work by the day wherever he could find it, but work got mighty hard to find down where he lived at. So he decided to go off somewhere else and hunt him up a job of work. Pulled out and traveled all day, and just ’fore dark he came to where a King lived at. Now this was another King, not th
e same one had all them giants and varmints to be killed.

  So Big Jack asked the King for a job of work.

  The King says, “Are ye a good hand to herd sheep?”

  “Well, I don’t know,” says Big Jack, “but I’ll do my best.”

  “Come on in, then. I guess I’ll hire ye.”

  Big Jack came in the house.

  The King says, “Now, I’ll tell ye, I got a rule here with anybody I hire: the first one of us to get mad will get three strops cut out of his back, long enough to make shoestrings. Does that suit you all right?”

  Big Jack said he reckoned it did.

  Then the King says to him, “Well, your bed’s ready now and you can just go on up.”

  Didn’t say a word about Big Jack’s supper. The old King went to eatin’ and Big Jack went on to bed. He hadn’t had a bite to eat all day and he was awful hungry.

  Early next mornin’ the King hollered up to him, says, “Hello! Come on out-a there! Your sheep’s ready to go to pasture.”

  Big Jack came on down and started drivin’ the sheep out. The King got by the gate and counted ’em. Never said a word about no breakfast.

  Big Jack took the sheep on to pasture. Picked about all day and found him a few wild berries to keep from plumb starvin’. Drove the sheep in again about dark.